It’s hard to explain to people what it’s like to be an independent musician. Touring constantly, bleeding for their dream, believing in themselves when nobody else sees value in what they are producing. There is value, every life experience that I have had I have tried to make it a point to reflect and gain knowledge in the lesson I have learned, this is what makes us wise. Some artists go for years without that value being recognized, even their whole lives. The truth of the matter is, is that we as artists have to face the truth at some point in our career that we may never see the results of our art being recognized. Then again, I must contradict myself because that means you must be socially blind and you have not opened your eyes wide enough to see the true results. A real artist does not seek fame and fortune, they seek to make a difference. Whether or not they see it, if they are authentic and believe in the art they are producing they WILL make a difference.
I found myself at the end of one of our many tours in 2012 signing autographs after a show. It was early in the evening as we were opening up for a few other bands at a local venue. As the other bands were performing, I was sitting at the merch table trying to sell T-shirts and CDs to whoever came up to the merch booth and enjoyed what we had presented on stage earlier. A young lady, probably a junior in high school, purchased a CD and asked me to sign it. As she handed the CD back over to me I noticed scars all over her forearms where it appeared to have been cut at least over 50 times. This immediately made me sad as I not only grabbed the CD but held her wrist and looked at her arm. She quickly pulled away as if to be embarrassed of the pain she had put herself through, who knows for how many years this had been going on in her life except for her. I signed her CD with a sharpie she gave me, but then reached over to her arm and asked if I could write a message on it. She obliged and extended her forearm back out in my direction allowing me to leave a little note where the scars had taken hold.
She looked down and read the message and I could see the tears in her eyes flooding through the gates of what I can only imagine an amount of pain that struck so many cords that she didn’t know where to start. I walked around the merch table and asked her if I could give her a hug for no other reason but just sharing a moment. For what felt like 10 minutes was probably only 15 seconds. She softly said thank you and then made her way back into the crowd. I have had a few interactions like this but none that stuck in my mind as clearly as this one. The reason it’s stuck in my mind so clearly would not make itself evident until years later.
Again, it was one of the last nights of our tour now in 2017. A half a decade had passed with that experience, now out of sight and out of mind. Hundreds of shows later had blurred the lines of what memory could recall. This time finding myself signing autographs before the show at the wonderful Hotel Monte Vista in beautiful downtown Flagstaff, Arizona. A young woman came up to me so excited and full of life, as though nothing could stop the excitement she lived every day with. Asking me to sign her Pullman Standard T-shirt, she was smiling from ear to ear the whole time. At the end of the exchange she asked if I remembered her, a question I had become used to. I answered as honestly as a person who has met thousands of people through his career could answer. “My apologies, but please refresh my memory.” Without saying a word she showed me her forearm, the words I had written years before now permanently inscribed. “If you can hear the sound of my voice, I am not that far away. Keep moving forward, always.”
Almost as if I had written it yesterday a flood of emotion filled my heart. I extended my arms and we embraced for what felt like 10 seconds was more like 2 minutes. As tears flooded through her eyes they filled mine as well. She looked at me and said “when I was at my worst your music got me through.” A moment years before that had changed her life now had changed mine.
We need to remind ourselves as artists of why we do this. Sometimes if we don’t remind ourselves, we get lucky enough to have the world reach out and help us be reminded before we forget and lose our way. Remind yourself every day that what you do is a privilege. If you are authentic and believe in the art you are creating, then the magical tapestry that you paint will never be forgotten.